Look! Twice in one day!

Okay. The notebook I picked up starts in August of 2004. The entries begin during a time when I was feeling unsure of the example I was setting for my son, and the direction our relationship was going. He was almost 4 at the time. A lot of prayers went up at that time and they are still, continually, being answered. God is good!

What I prayed:

"Help me see inside of me
Illuminate the darkest of the dark within
Show me the way to go
So that I may move closer to you
I need to obey your beckoning call
Give me courage to do what I know

I need to pray; I need to be with you
How do I change my relationship with my son
Until I renew my relationship with you
How will my son know your love for him
Unless he sees my love for you"

It's interesting, on a side note, that line about the "beckoning call". That's been the main topic of conversation in class Sunday mornings for the last year or so. God has his own timing on things, doesn't he.

Many scriptures came my way during this struggle by way of answering this challenge of change. They remind me that when I offer myself to God He will transform me (Romans 12:1-2). I cannot transform myself, for that comes from deep within, at the core where only God can work. He will bring about the necessary changes when we allow Him full access. He knows what needs to change.

I am reminded to take one day at a time for each day has its own troubles (Matthew 6:11, 34). And each day brings its own blessings. If I keep looking into the future then I miss what's going on today. I need to be present here, now.

It is Christ's strength that allows me to do what needs doing. Christ's strength, not my own.

A positive mental outlook (Phil 4:8). Think about what is good. Don't worry about what may or may not happen. Focus on doing good not feeling good (Gal 5:16). Walk by the Spirit.

Be accountable (Prov 27:17). Learn. Grow.

Remember that God will keep working on you (me) and helping you grow in His grace. Focus on progress not perfection. God does the perfecting. We just bring Him the best we can and let Him do the rest.

Voluntarily submit to God and ask Him to change you.

"Do you realize how much God loves you?"

Okay, so here we are 3 yrs later and I can look back and say, "Wow!" It is really amazing how, when I moved the focus from my worries over my son's future (and my affect on that) to renewing my relationship with God, how much better my relationship with my son became.

I still struggle with it, but I've got a better handle on it than previously. What this experience tells me is that my relationship with God absolutely has to take precedence over all other relationships if I want those relationships to succeed.

I need to allow God full access to "me" and trust Him to do what's right. I need to be right here, right now and leave the future to God.

Reminds me of a video I saw a couple days ago about shepherds in the Negev. When you read Psalm 23 (or at least when I've read it) you picture lush green grass piled high with a flowing creek nearby. The reality is, however, that the "green pastures" are desert land with what seems to be sparse vegetation. The shepherds know where to go for the grass which feeds the flock. The flock does not worry about what they will eat in the evening, because they know the shepherd will feed them. They have grass in front of them "right now" and that is what they are content with. They will follow the shepherd wherever he goes because he always gives them what they need "right now".

We need to trust God to give us what we need "right now" and leave the future to Him.